Why I spent March in a sinkhole… and how I got out!
I’m guessing you know what a sinkhole is. Have you ever considered how they are formed?
After a 5-minute consultation with my Geotechnical Engineer husband, here’s what I learned…
Sinkholes are most common in terrain where the type of rock beneath the land surface is relatively soft, like limestone.
When rainfall circulates through this soft rock, the water slowly dissolves it, creating cave systems beneath the ground surface.
Picture a bridge of compact soil suspended over a cavern.
When a heavy rainfall applies just the right amount of pressure, the bridge collapses.
Okay, why all the sinkhole stuff?
Bear with me, it’s a fitting metaphor for where I spent the month of March.
2024 arrived like a storm with high winds and heavy rains.
Lots of sickness, my father-in-law passed away, limited child care, solo parenting every 2 weeks due to my husband’s work schedule…
I was holding up the sky as a mother, coach, entrepreneur, partner, and I was doing a damn good job, if I do say so…
But I was starting to tap the deeper wells of my energy reserves.
Think of that bridge holding itself up as the rock gradually erodes away underneath it.
When my husband took a needed hiatus to Mexico to be with the grief of losing his father, I was again back on the solo parenting bus…
It was the perfect heavy rain to collapse my bridge.
There I was, walking along my path through life and WOOOOOOMF!
I fell into a deep, dark, subterranean cavern. A sinkhole. It was unexpected, inconvenient, and painful.
Upon landing in the sinkhole - i.e. exhausted, depressed, angry, lots of uncontrollable weeping - my immediate reaction was denial.
“No! This isn’t happening. I don’t have time for this. I’m getting out of here.”
But caves are dark, and I kept tripping, falling, and injuring myself trying to get out.
Have you done this before?
Maybe a fog bank of exhaustion envelops you, or rage roars within you, or sorrow clenches at your heart… And you try your damndest to get away from it.
Maybe you stubbornly push onward, or do anything you can to distract or numb from it.
We have all sorts of great coping mechanisms, but our bodies are wise and know what we actually need. When we resist feeling what we’re feeling, the feelings only grow stronger.
So I stopped trying to escape my depressive cave and admitted, “This isn’t working.”
My outstanding sister, Lindsey, who was witness to my struggle, encouraged me to let go of all non-essentials and lean into what brings me joy.
Just hearing those words, my body relaxed.
I took a big, spacious breath.
So over the next month, I ran an experiment…
What happens if I disengage from anything that is draining my Life Force, while simultaneously leaning into what feels nourishing and pleasurable?
Would my life fall apart? My business collapse? My son be neglected? My friends dump me?
My intuition told me I could trust what I already knew deep down - all would be well. More than well.
So I went for it…
I spent very little time on social media and declined most invitations.
I got good at being terrible at responding to texts.
Exercise was a simple walk, or 20 minutes of weights followed by a sauna.
Daily naps became a ritual.
Wholesome foods like rice and eggs, bone broth, and avocado toast tasted amazing.
I sought silence.
I spent many evenings reading or stretching on the floor.
Sometimes a nervous voice piped up, “How indulgent can you be??”
But beneath that anxious tone, a quieter and softer voice would whisper, “Lean in even further.”
I could feel vitality returning to every cell of my being.
(The word “indulgent,” by the way, comes from the Latin indulgere, or “giving free rein.” In other words, giving ourselves abundant freedom to do what we authentically desire!)
So when that nervous part of me asked, “How indulgent can you be?” my heart would answer, “What a great question. How indulgent can I be?”
I claimed even more rest. More fresh air. More natural movement. More solitude. More reading. More sipping coffee while observing my son.
The laundry piles leaned under their own weight, but my sinkhole was becoming my crucible.
Being with my exhaustion, feeling into my depression, being present to my rage and sorrow, giving myself full permission to lean into what feels good…
I alchemized my pain into the most profound sense of freedom and safety I’ve ever felt within myself.
Did my life crumble?
Yes, here and there, some things that needed to crumble, did.
But the essentials? Those flourished.
My son, Jasper, is thriving.
My relationship with my husband is deepening.
My coaching is on point.
My business grossed the highest amount in April to date.
I found clarity around big life decisions that had been stressing me out.
I restored my energy reserves and water started to pour over the edges.
The month of May has been a time of fulfilling creativity and powerful service, and I’m enjoying this state of abundance and engagement!
Reclaiming our vitality by listening to our inner knowing, by honoring our energetic rhythms, and by unapologetically claiming what we need to thrive, is softly revolutionary.
Because it untethers us from the false story we often live out - a lie perpetuated by a culture rooted in patriarchy - that embodying our Inner Wild and loving others well are at odds.
Are you craving more aliveness?
More freedom?
Do you mourn the free-spirit you used to be?
The artist, the poet, the lover, the adventurer?
If so, I invite you to join me at Wild & Free: The Retreat, an intimate, powerful, 3.5-day immersive retreat for the woman ready to ignite her innate passion and revolutionize her relationship to herself and her loved ones.
During this luscious retreat, hosted in an elegant woodland setting on the iconic Maine coast, you’ll learn:
✨ To connect with and reclaim your Sacred Feminine
✨ To feel - then alchemize - your emotions
✨ Practical tools for creating more time, energy, and inner peace no matter how busy you are
When you register by June 30th, you receive EARLY BIRD pricing of just $1555 $1333!
Join us in Freeport, Maine from Sept 12th through Sept 15th where you’ll chuck “fixing” yourself in favor of loving yourself madly instead.
If you’d like to talk to me personally about this retreat, book a 20-min chat.
I can’t wait to share this experience with you!
